The Difference

Last night, a group of friends old and new gathered to celebrate the passage of time, the ritual of the 30th birthday, for two of our best party boys at the mysterious Debonair Social Club on the city's West side.

The bar, billed a "boutique video club" by a local review site, featured a curious mix of clientele, decor and wait staff. Among mash up of goth-ish goers, heavily tattooed leather fans, 80's material girls and quasi-punk lovers, my casual crowd was totally out of place. The bouncers seemed more focused on keeping people out than getting people in, and the bartenders were ridiculously rude, but for the most part, we didn't mind. Intrigued by the people watching and the strange interplay of Nirvana, Annie Lennox and Fall-Out Boy on the speakers, we spent most of the night debating whether the place was an all-out gay bar, a bar for the more dramatic theater crowd or simply an oasis for the eccentric. The videos and images on the high walls offered more than a little fodder for conversation.

Today, in thinking about a bar whose image is up for grabs, I began noticing how within my own social scene, people's images, personas and passions have changed over the last 10 years.

The fun-loving, free-sprited lifestyle of our early 20's - yet so filled with drama, tension and angst - seems to have given way to a more focused kind of existence. As some friends said good-bye early to be home with their babies, others laughed about recent stints living abroad in Europe and Brazil while others discussed career goals and other aspirations. Of course, this conversation was often punctuated by the occasional sing-along to Billy Idol and eventually became more vodka-driven than not, but still, this morning I can't help but think about the change that's occurred.

If our early 20's are all about defining our identity, determining our priorities and filtering out what we don't want in our lives, then our late 20's - for some of us, at least - are about internalizing those priorities and goals and setting in motion a path to get there.

I'm not sure how long this "setting in motion" phase lasts. But I would define it as the point in between once you finally identify what you want out of life until you actually are able to achieve it. Crap. Scratch that out. Because that sounds an awful lot like life itself.

OMG, the enormity of what I wrote just hit me...

When did we become adults?

That's the difference, isn't it. Individually, we're at different stages, but collectively, we're all officially adults now. I'm at once proud and sad.

Is that what our 20's are really about? You pay the student loans back, you learn to succeed in the nine-to-five (Ok, 8 a.m.-to-8 p.m.) world, you buy the furniture and the wall art, you adopt pets, you learn to manage your finances and live well within your means.

And somewhere in there, adulthood happens. Who knew?